We Should All Be Essentialists
A few years ago, I realized that what began as a well-intentioned life had become one where I was frayed at the seams. I’m a mother to three boys, a wife, and an investment banker/board director/friend/mentor/mentee and a million other defining tags associated with Type-A achievers and I was struggling to cope. I was petrified to drop any of the myriad balls in the air as people relied on me to deliver on requests that had nothing to do with me, my aspirations, or my direct responsibilities. It was a challenge meeting the competing needs of my family, self, and work at the level I felt was acceptable. I frequently missed my children's plays and sporting events because I felt I needed to be in every work meeting whether it was a meaningful discussion or not.
In the midst of my feeling frayed, I observed a number of high-functioning people who were super productive yet incredibly poised. How were they able to deliver so effortlessly, have families, and still look so relaxed with the same number of hours in the day? While I admired Steve Jobs, his personal reputation wasn’t what I aspired to. I looked in fascination at Jeff Bezos and the beast of a successful business in Amazon which he founded and led. I watched Beyoncé as she curated her pristine image and built a peerless franchise all while having multiple babies, a husband and Grammy’s to boot.
One of the people that I observed in closer admiration was my husband. He’s a serial entrepreneur whose focus allows him to channel his energies directly into activities that he values highly, only. In essence, he is relentless in his pursuit of doing less so that he can yield more.Intrigued by this unapologetic trait, I asked him how this was achieved and he said he practices Essentialism, based on the eponymous book. What was even more illuminating is he practices the methodology with absolute consistency i.e., he essentializes everyone and everything, including me! I immediately knew this was an art form I needed to learn more about. I bought a book for myself and a few extras for my female executive Lean In peer group members. I read most of the book that day and it was transformational. Essentialists are the group of wise and enlightened ones in our midst and they are Essentialists at your expense. So while we are busy, overwhelmed, and running on that treadmill of life, they are smashing their goals, refreshed and moving ahead. Just look at Serena Williams.
The book, for me, was a lifesaver. Literally. Put simply, Essentialism is about narrowing the scope and broadening the impact. Begin to see yourself as a scarce asset being deployed, at a cost, over a defined period of time and adequately value that asset. Become selective in what you allow yourself to take on. Set a long-term goal and stick to it like crazy. This applies to both your professional and personal life. By focusing on the right activities, you have a better chance of generating more and being happy while you’re at it. The goal is to channel your energy wisely by distinguishing between distractions and those activities that will take you further.
The way of the Essentialist is to say “No” frequently. If a request isn’t an obvious “YES”, then say no. Do you find yourself saying yes to please or to avoid difficult conversations? Most people do. We capitulate. I suspect that Jeff Bezos doesn’t though. He has clung to Amazon’s long-term plan for decades and hasn’t allowed short-term investors to muddle his focus. Be like Jeff. It’s possible to be engaged in activities that bring you no advancement nor pleasure. Say No to them. It takes courage and you can’t always say no to everything but you must say no more often than you do now. It’s a muscle that needs to be exercised and toned. You should start today. Evaluate options as they come but develop the ability to explore them swiftly and then say No to everything that doesn’t make sense from a productivity standpoint. Productivity applies to your personal and professional life. When your friend invites you to Adamawa for their father’s 80th birthday, very politely tell them no. If you can afford to, give them a financial contribution as a token. If you can’t, don’t.
If you focus on doing the things that you enjoy and are good at, success will come. Sadly, successful people, as a result of this very success, get drawn into various activities which sap their energy and they become less happy and less successful. Focus, people. I accept that at the earlier stages of your career, this might be difficult. I posit that you explain to your manager why you think an activity makes little to no sense in the politest possible fashion. You may still be forced to do it but keep stating your case while excelling at the meaningful work. Excel at something please.
Because I see the way of the Essentialist as core to my wellness, I am immensely protective of what I permit into my orbit. This takes courage as people will perceive you as selfish, even disruptive. They will think saying no to their priority is an indictment or an inability to bat for the team. It takes investment and stubbornness to be an Essentialist. Did you watch the movie The Social Network? I bet Mark Zuckerberg is an Essentialist. He remained committed so as not to be dragged into the rabbit hole of lost focus and now we are a billion+ active users on Facebook. Being a team player and functioning as such isn’t anti-Essentialism. Doing a lot for a little is. You should push back on meaningless professional demands disguised as "tips of the hat” too. They are just ways for you to deliver on someone else’s dreams. Stick to yours. They matter more. If you’re run down - mentally, physically, emotionally, financially - you can’t help anyone else. I recently met with 25 professional women to discuss the proverbial work/life balance issue. Ever since I became a baby Essentialist, I’ve been challenged to embrace the concept of trade-offs. Not everyday everything can be great. Some days I am super mom but many days I am not. Many days my work is my number one focus and on those days “sorry kids ask daddy to help you.” As we say in my place, I cannot come and go and die. By living a more holistic existence and taking on only that which is essential, I am a stronger partner to my husband, less frazzled mother to my sons, friend/manager/etc. We can’t borrow from Peter to pay Paul so make sure you are making the right life choices so that you can actually live the life you desire.
Finally, take the time to build your support system. Barack and Michelle had Marian Robinson, their daughters’ grandmother, who showed up for them so they could be BRILLIANT on the global stage. It’s not weak to ask for help and this goes for men and women.
Shouldn’t we all be Essentialists?
This article was originally published in Business Day (without the photos) and may be found at http://www.businessdayonline.com/we-should-all-be-essentialists/
